🚀 Saturday Bluez

The Crypto-Crash, Kitty COVID, and a Legend Lost

Zoomer Money?! Why are you in my inbox on a Saturday? In light of the big dip this week across the crypto market, we decided a Saturday Edition was in order

Today’s special Saturday edition is full of distractions and diversions, but first the bad news:

💣 Crypto and stocks bombed big-time, an overview (in case you’re living under a rock)

💉 COVID has decided to start killing kittens now

😢 Rap legend Shock G of Digital Underground has died at 57


A Biden Bomb and the Block-Chain-Reaction ⛓💥

On Thursday, Bloomberg dropped an article that almost instantly tanked the stock market as investors sold the news. A Biden insider leaked that the President would soon be proposing to nearly double taxes for capital gains over $1 Million. On the other hand, it would give those who would normally take profits an incentive to diamond-hand their investments.

The news accelerated a downturn in the crypto market that was caused the week prior when a coal-mine explosion in China triggered a massive power outage that took out almost 50% of Bitcoin’s hashrate in an instant.

In what we’re calling a block-chain-reaction, the news also coincides with what was supposed to be a promising Coinbase listing ($COIN has fallen over 10% from its debut), a ban on crypto payments in Turkey, and a shady rumor about crypto-crackdowns. The crypto-cliff-dive, in turn, forced many holding leveraged long positions to be liquidated to the tune of $7.6 Billion in the span of one hour.

R.I.P. our portfolios

At least the SEC’s new chairman Gary Gensler is pro-crypto (he used to teach it at MIT).


COVID is Literally the Worst 😿

COVID-19 is coming for your kittens now, as if it wasn’t already horrible enough. Researchers have identified two cases where cats have been infected by their owners. One cat showed mild symptoms and made a quick recovery, but the other, a four-month-old kitten, developed severe respiratory symptoms and had to be euthanized.

So far, it looks like cats aren’t able to spread the disease back to humans, but if you’re a cat owner, you should do your cat a favor and wear a mask if you’re feeling ill around the house, or find a healthy cat-sitter.

In the meantime, it looks like Russia has registered the first animal vaccine, which will likely be rolled out to the agricultural sector before it becomes available for our furry friends.


Shock G of Digital Underground Passed Away 🎤💔

Early 90’s rap legend Shock G, frontman of the group that introduced the world to 2Pac, was found dead of unknown causes in his Tampa hotel room on Thursday. He was 57. His group Digital Underground was made famous from a string of hits, the best known being his performance as Humpty Hump from the music video “The Humpty Dance.”

Shock G and his group Digital Underground helped pioneer the catchy funk and jazz inspired sound that still influences West-coast rappers today. In addition to his many collabs with 2Pac, Shock was also an accomplished producer, with clients including 2Pac, Dr. Dre, Prince, and KRS-One.


Heavy Stuff… But We Promised to Lighten the Mood 🌞

Hover your eyes over this word search and note the first 3 words you find:

This visual psychology test posted by Steve Burns will supposedly define how your trading goes for the rest of the year. Good luck!


SCIENCE & TECH 🔬

  • Honda plans to go 100% carbon-neutral by 2050, with a complete phase-out of internal combustion engines by 2040, replaced entirely by electric and hydrogen fuel cell vehicles. Other lofty targets include 0 total fatalities in their cars and motorcycles, and 100% sustainable materials in all of their products.

  • An experiment by a Tennessee sixth-grader has answered the question we’ve all been dying to know: do our cats rub their buttholes all over the house? The experiment was conducted by rubbing lipstick on cats’ anuses and seeing where the lipstick came off. The bed. It was the bed. His parents must be so proud.

  • A study at the University of Michigan has found that a substance called a positive allosteric modulator is capable of producing effects similar to strong opioids by enhancing the body’s natural pain-relieving compounds, providing on-demand relief with none of the side-effects.

POLITICS ⚖️

  • Caitlyn Jenner, former olympian, reality TV star, and transgender activist has officially filed to run for California Governor following current Governor Newsom’s presumed recall. Caitlyn will be running as “someone that’s socially liberal and fiscally conservative” a campaign adviser said of her Republican alignment.

  • In an epic lapse of judgment, a man using the dating app Bumble admitted to a match that he had stormed the capitol. The match contacted the FBI, and body-cam footage confirmed that the man had indeed been inside the capitol. He was arrested and charged. She wasn’t looking for a bad boy after all…

  • President Biden hosted a two-day long global Climate Summit on Thursday and Friday with more than 40 world leaders. He committed the US to reducing greenhouse gas emissions by half before 2030.

ZOOMER LIFE 🛴

  • Captain America 4 is set to be written by Falcon and the Winter Soldier showrunner Malcolm Spellman, but Marvel isn’t giving us any other details at all, not even an official title.

  • You can now preorder the new purple iPhone 12 (the same exact phone but it’s purple!) as well as Apple’s new airtags which have spent a couple years in the making even though they look a lot like Tiles

  • What’s for dinner? We’re thinking chicken thighs. Get them impossibly crispy by pan frying them first before roasting them atop a bed of potatoes at 400 degrees. Then go ahead and ask Gordon Ramsay on Tik Tok what he thinks…

Thanks for reading! 👋

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